The Advice from My Dad Which Helped Me as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who still absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."